School anxiety

 My son experienced some anxiety at school back when he was in the third grade. The anxiety was so bad at one point that he felt physically sick about going to school.

That part of his life passed about four years ago when he started attending a private school for kids with learning disabilities but anxiety has reared its ugly head in our home again.

My daughter does not have any known learning disabilities. In fact, most people would say that she is quite bright and capable in school. Unfortunately, she doesn’t “feel” capable and her entire academic world began to crumble a few weeks ago.

Her biggest issue is overcoming her fear of writing. This year, fourth graders must pass the state writing test so teachers are working hard to make sure they write every day and can put together a well-written paragraph. She can write well but her anxiety is giving her stomachaches, headaches and a blank page.

With her teacher’s help, we’re trying a few things that might be helpful if you have an anxious writer in your house. Her teacher is going to give me the topic they write about in class ahead of time so that my daughter can talk through her thoughts before she sits down to write. The teacher also is breaking up assignments into smaller pieces so that a long story is actually written over a few days rather all in one sitting.

For her assignment last week, we talked about it at home and she wrote down a few key words to help her remember her thoughts the next day. A tape recorder is also a useful tool when kids can talk about a topic but then they can't remember their thoughts when it comes time to write them down.

So far, we’re making some progress. Her journal will come home next week so she can try to make up some of the entries she hasn’t even started. In my daughter’s case, confidence is key and she’ll be getting lots of positive encouragement each time she writes.

Back to School!

I have to admit, I am not one of those moms who get weepy when the kids go back to school. I'm quite the opposite and have to restrain myself so the kids don't pick up on how happy I am to escort them out the door on that first day back to school each year.

We're looking forward to a good school year this year. My son is in his fourth year (7th grade) at a private school for kids with learning differences and my daughter is starting her second year (4th grade) at the neighborhood public school. Both kids were happy to be going back to school this week and they quickly fell into the normal routine of early bedtimes and even earlier wake up times.

One of the things we've learned from my son's school is the importance of helping kids get organized with their school work. After four years, my son expects his binder for school to be set up a certain way and this year, we set up my daughter's binder in much the same way. Her papers last year took on a life of their own and became nearly impossible to manage. She didn't have a binder and neither of us knew what was finished, what had been turned in and what was to be left at home. 

There's nothing fancy about the organization of the binder. There's a daily assignment planner in the front and an additional monthly calendar for long term assignments. Next there are two  pockets — one for "to do" items (homework or other unfinished assignments) and one for "finished" assignment (items ready to be turned in). In my daughter's binder, we added a third pocket for "leave at home" so that the papers she no longer needs are not mixed in with the assignments that need to be done or turned in. 

My son's school sends all of his "leave at home" papers in an envelope on Thursday. I love that! He and I can go through the week's work together and there are no extra papers cluttering his binder. Actually, there are plenty of extra papers with drawings of bizarre contraptions on them but a binder can't solve every problem! 

There are also dividers for every subject which rarely get used in my son's binder. I think the intent is for him to store papers by subject that he might use for studying. 

We're stumbling through our first week and it's already obvious that my son will have to step up his efforts this year. We're hoping to transition as much work as possible to the computer this year and he's going to be learning more about how to ask for the kind of help he needs (self-advocating). Each week, his class rotates between classes for life skills, study skills, speech, computer and art.  Did I mention that I love his school?

The Great Equalizer

My son has a crush on a girl. He didn't tell me that, I just figured it out after he took his phone charger to a baseball game so it wouldn't run out of juice and he could continue exchanging text messages with her. 

I'm not a big fan of texting with all the cutesy little shortcut words but as I peered over his shoulder, I decided that texting may be the great equalizer when it comes to some kids with learning issues. My son can be slow to express himself verbally but he didn't seem to have any problems keeping up with their texting conversation.

And, spelling doesn't count when texting. At one point, he asked me and his dad how to spell tomorrow. I started to tell him and his dad told him just to put "tmrw" and she would understand what he meant. Personally, I would definitely spell it out (correctly) but I'm thrilled that my son can communicate with a girl without having to explain why he has trouble spelling things or writing by hand. 

I'm sure we have more than a few conversations ahead of us about the appropriateness of how he uses that cell phone, but for now, I'm happy he's found a way to fit in with his peers.

Shaky hands

Around the time my son started to talk, his speech therapist noticed that his hands trembled whenever he tried to color with crayons, drink from a cup, put food in his mouth or grasp small objects. An MRI showed everything was fine and we were told that these hand tremors or what we called, “shaky hands,” were here to stay.

I quickly accepted that my son probably would never become a neurosurgeon but I didn’t realize the effect that poor fine motor skills and “shaky hands” would have in the classroom. Writing is tiring and mostly illegible. Over the past 10 years, the schools have tried to help and I’ve sought help from outside professionals but the problems persist and handwriting remains his biggest obstacle in the classroom. 

Poor Handwriting (dysgraphia)

What’s worked – Using an AlphaSmart or small portable keyboard. I bought him one in third grade, he’s now in sixth and he’s finally accepting that it’s his friend. (www.alphasmart.com) 

What hasn’t – A well-meaning occupational therapist with the school district tried placing a weight on his wrist to steady the shaking. It didn’t work at all and was painful! She also tried a contraption made of string that made him hold the pencil differently, also ineffective and very distracting. 

What's worked – Cursive. Despite being told by his third grade teacher that he’d never write cursive, his private school requires it. Using cursive, he has no letter reversals and there is space between his words. He still tires easily and it’s not always legible but it’s an improvement over his manuscript writing. Handwriting Without Tears has a good program for teaching handwriting at home. (www.hwtears.com)

What hasn’t – Big pencils, small pencils, mechanical pencils, triangular pencils, pencils with squishy grips, pencils without squishy grips, paper with raised lines, paper without raised lines, graph paper, paper with huge spaces, paper with regular lines, blank paper. 

Thankfully, my son has adapted very well to using a computer and type, type, typing away. I keep telling him that the day will come when no one sees his handwriting. After all, when was the last time any of us wrote a note by hand?

Patience, patience

I am not a patient person. If there’s one quality the parent of a child with learning disabilities should have, it’s patience and I don’t have very much.

Yesterday was a typical afternoon at my house. My son got home from school at 2:45 p.m. and I reminded him that he had a book report to finish before he could play with friends and before Tae Kwon Do class at 5:45. Three hours, plenty of time. The afternoon unfolded something like this:

3:00 p.m. -- Finished snack and checking on his online game he had left running all day. Computer gets turned off. 

3:05 – He looks outside to see if the rabbits had eaten any of my new plants. No damage to report as of yet. 

3:07 – I hand him his AlphaSmart and his book. He sits on the couch to begin working. 

3:12 – He goes outside to check on rabbits and starts building a trap to catch them. 

3:35 – I ask how it’s going. He says “Good” even though I see the AlphaSmart on the couch. I take it outside. 

3:45 – From outside he calls for help. As I check on his progress, he says, “I think there’s only one rabbit living under the deck” and he starts banging on the deck with a golf club to encourage the rabbit to make an appearance. 

3:49 – Back inside, I wonder if it’s too early to have a glass of wine. 

4:01 – The phone rings and a friend invites him on a walk. He asks me how long it will be until he finishes his homework. Good question. I tell him about 15 minutes if he could sit down and write. Finally, some motivation. Back to the couch. 

4:17 – After a flurry of activity, he hands me the AlphaSmart to read his report. Not bad, just needs a final paragraph to wrap it up. He heads to a friend’s house to swim at 4:35. 

7:45 -- After Tae Kwon Do and dinner, the report is transferred to the computer and, amazingly, in one sitting, he corrects and formats his report. 

8:00 – I finish that glass of wine I’ve been thinking about since 3:49.

Aye Ticonderoga!

Homework struggles in my house are usually defined by the number of pencils that get broken. On a good night, no pencils are broken, but on a bad night, look out. We’ve had many homework sessions where two or three of the little guys met their demise.

I probably should have invested in Ticonderoga pencil stock several years ago. I’m not partial to that particular brand, I just like saying the name but I have found that wooden pencils are the easiest to break thus allowing my son to return to his homework more quickly.

I’ve tried lots of techniques to help get through homework with less angst but I can’t say I’ve ever been very successful. Timers were good when he was younger but now that he needs to slow down, I’m looking for new ideas.

What’s worked for you? Tell me and I’ll put together a Top 10 list in a future blog!